You know, you are not going stay at this age forever.
If you are 25, ask yourself: Am I going to be as active and healthy when I am 50?
If you are 50, — Am I going to be as energetic when I reach 70?
Time is a very limited resource. Time moves slowly but passes so quickly.
I always bear this in mind when I am considering going out vs staying home — when, if not now?
You think that life is what will happen to you tomorrow and you are now in the ‘waiting mode’. You are just waiting for something will change tomorrow, will get better later on…
Tomorrow comes, and you are making the same decisions, and they lead you to the same outcomes… You know why?
Because “The significant problems we face cannot be solved with the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
— “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change” by Stephen Covey
This book is a call to action. It helps you identify some silos in your thinking and asks you to reflect, look at your life form a different angle. This book requires you to do quite some self-work, because “Private Victory always perceives Public Victory”, so you always need to start with yourself. Click here to get the book.
For why social experiences matter refer to this article here.
I remember spending my summer holidays just reading, watching stuff, doing sports, but I did not socialize at all. I was telling myself the white lie that this does not describe me; it is not the real me. I am different because this is not my final destination. I just happened to be in this position, but it does not mean anything. My now is not my forever.
The flaw in this kind of thinking is that habits are getting formed, and they are extremely hard to change later on. (About tracking habits you can read here, or for more information – check out my book).
Back then, I did not know much about introverts, extraverts…. For me, it was just comfortable being alone. I did not consider that I was not using my full potential and was not developing other crucial areas in life: an ability to small talk, be likable, “immunity to people’s stupidity”. Meaning that being social is an effort. It truly is, even for extroverts, because you happen to meet people you do not get connected with, hear thoughts you disagree with, tolerate the unacceptable behavior. In the end, being social is a skill you need to acquire, develop and polish.
Do you want to start tomorrow?
Life is not what you are putting off until tomorrow. Life is what is happening to you right now. You do not know what the future holds. But the present is a good predictor of the future: if you are not contributing to your life, odds are high it will be the same tomorrow. So, to change your tomorrow, you need to start now. Your start will likely be rusty and look like this:
But let me tell you something: if you are consistent about it and just simply carry on working hard, the success is unavoidable. There is just no other way. Let’s start now:
1/ Dress up
Against popular perceptions, dressing up could actually help you change this detrimental habit as it sets you up in a tone to go out and have fun. Most often, the way you look affects your mood. Your mood switches to match your dressing as observed when you look at your reflection in the mirror dressed in a designer shirt or pair of shoes, you suddenly become happy – dopamine-fueled. For ladies, whenever your outfit, make-up, manicure are on fleek and you use a fabulous cologne, you suddenly confident, desiring to go out at all cost. This is because your reflection in the mirror is a highly attractive representation of you and you automatically want to showcase yourself to the world.
2/Reflect: go out for the right reason
Sadly, one of social media’s main flaw is its ability to provoke and induce the fear of missing out in the hearts of many, which often leads to a sustained feeling of desperation. This leaves us feeling that the line has been crossed and yesterday was the right time to start whatever it is we thought was important to push for in life. Yesterday was the right time. Now it is already today and you know within yourself that tomorrow, you still might not have begun. Desperate for all solutions, we get depressed thinking about how to stop this vicious cycle.
Desiring change occurs when you reach a point in your life when you are ready to change. You want it for yourself. However, being forced to change occurs when a feeling of insecurity forces you to tweak your social compass, highlighting the need to master your social skills. Start with yourself. Change whenever YOU are ready. And when it happens, move to the third point.
3/Catch up with someone you do not know well
So, it should not be your close friend, lover, mother etc. If there are no candidates, sign up to apps like
- meetups – set your interests in the app and join events that match them;
- meet my dog – if you own a dog you can utilize your time by interacting with someone while walking a dog;
- expats meetups – if you are not an expat yourself, you can still join a local expat community to meet people all over the globe.
etc, just google apps that would match your interests: be it barbecue lovers, photography or public speaking enthusiasts.
Your decision today matters because it shapes both your today and tomorrow. In the end, the world belongs to people who take actions. So, be one of those.
Check out my book for more information: “Small Talk: An Introvert’s Guide on Practical Ways to Start Any Conversation and Improve Your Social Life“.