It is Friday, you had a long tedious week.
This guy at work, Rick, has been especially annoying… Just too many silly questions, – does not he really know the answers, or he is just too gregarious?
You had clearly a lot on your plate. You had enough. You spent too much energy this week and need to get recharged.
A thought of going home is comforting. It feels good and familiar.
Wait a second. The same happened to you last week and the week before, and the week before that. It’s become your pattern.
You know, why?
You have been forming those perceptions yourself over a course of time. You forgot or possibly have never experienced how it feels like to get recharged in different settings.
The trick is YOU are the creator of this pattern. Which gives you the power to stop it, break through it and build something different.
It is in your mind so you are powerful enough to change things up in ANY possible way you want to. You are the one to decide what actions to take and what ideas / thoughts to put in your head.
It is simple, yet not easy. There are some key aspects to it:
1. Start seeing people as an asset, not as a burden
- Rick is irritating
- Diana is too talkative
- Eric is just all about small talks
- Daniel is just a scatterbrain
But you want depth, meaning, connection.
I get it, you meet people who are way different. They start conversations you want to immediately exit, you get disappointed and walk away. You decide to never play this game again.
This happens because either you are fishing in the wrong pond, or you do not know how to end useless conversations.
- If it is the former, change the environment: attend different events – what’s the likelihood that you will meet your soulmate in the running even if you hate running? The odds are high thought that you will meet one if you attend an AI (artificial intelligence) fair assuming you are into cutting-edge technologies. You get the point? Change people, surroundings, places, take on a different route to work after all.
- If it is the latter, you need to learn to cut no-value-bringing interactions. The faster you get off, the greater the chances you will get engaged in something more meaningful. You should not feel obliged to stay in draining conversations, never ever. Do not let your mind focus too much on it. Bored? Exit. Do not feel bad about it. Simply exit. For techniques, check out my book.
There are people who add value, provide insights, motivate and bring fresh ideas. You meet this sort of people and think: Oh wow, I want to be like them! Or, hmm, interesting, I have never thought about it this way. This is the objective of the conversation: get excited and motivated. Go home and feel driven to become a better version of yourself. That kind of people you want to surround yourself with. But you will never meet them if you stay in.
You don’t remember the nights you stayed in and ate a sandwich. You remember the nights when you pushed past your comfort zone and did something different.
Experiences help you grow, change perspective and again, meet like-minded people. Filling your life with precious moments, you will see how your consciousness changes. You will have more to give and more to ask from life.
For introverts, staying home is a very pleasant experience, I know 🙂 It can feel good in a moment, and I am not saying you should never do so, but fulfilling experiences must prevail in life. It is OK to have one weekend a month like this. It is not OK to always indulge in staying home kind of thing.
Take baby steps, – you know how I started?
I said to myself, every month of 2018 I will do something that I would not have done otherwise.
- January – I went to a boat party in a different city. When I got invited, and my initial response was NO, but I forced myself to accept the invite before I could think of possible excuses, and deal with consequences later. It turned out to be one of the most memorable experiences in my life. I cannot say I met particularly interesting people, but I saw a different version of me which contributed to my self-development.
The way you feel about yourself is translated to the world. If you know your worth, people around you will notice your inner strength as well. What is inside matters. You cannot really hide it.
Have you ever had this that you meet people and they tell you the right things but you do not trust them?! For example, they could say: I’ve never cheated in my life. But you feel for some reason they have a hidden agenda. You have no proof, you nod, but you do not believe in what they are saying. In the end, the person indeed happened to be unreliable as their values were more of a player type than of someone with strong principles and beliefs. But you sensed this already in the beginning…
It works the same way in our case: if you are not comfortable with yourself, oblivious in social settings, if your values are about “please leave me alone”, people will sense it. I do not care about what they might think of it, and you should not care either. What we should focus instead is that how it can affect you. One day you will really need your social skills, maybe to react appropriately to the situation, but you are lacking them. You feel disoriented and lost. The costs are: you lose opportunities. These costs are the highest in life because we tend to regret what we haven’t done more than what we have done. The former projects uncertainty which we are so afraid of.
You do not want that. You need to be confident, content, and strong inside. So, you can get the most of every opportunity life throws in your way. There is nothing sexier than that.
Start practicing today:
- Get my book here or any other book that provides guidance on how to behave in social settings.
- Take one skill from the book you want to acquire. For example, how to end an unsuccessful conversation (chapter “Learn How to Exit Any Conversation: The Power of NO” in my book)
- Go to any event on your preference: think of what are you interested in? A few ideas are given at the end of this article.
- Practice the skill – this is your main objective for the evening 😉
Remember: You can change literally everything if you really want to.